Thank you for breaking

My spirit; you taught me how to sympathize.
My trust; you taught me to never raise my voice at another in anger.
My will; you taught me patience.
My love; you taught me to not ignore family.

My body; you taught me about stress.
My mind; you taught me about the mind.

Your word; you taught me about friendship.

Anxiety

My confidence in myself fluctuates. Some days I feel that what I am doing is "correct" and that I am "on track," while other days I feel like I am just treading water.

Right now I am having a bad day. I am doing things because I "know" that I "should" do them - I should go to class to take notes and learn, I should eat because food is necessary, I should go to office hours because they will help my understanding, etc. I am going through the motions. I don't know if that is part of life - going through the motions. 

I hope that this isn't part of life, but I think it is. I don't like how my attitude towards my life fluctuates. It doesn't even depend on the circumstances; I can be in a melancholy mood when things are "going well." 

I think that I am looking for a metaphorical key to some understanding of life. I think that life can be explained, that I can reduce the plethora of experiences and thoughts and actions of my life to things that can be explained, that the interactions between those are understandable, that if I do X then Y.

However, I think I am realizing, albeit slowly, albeit by trial and error and trial and error and error and more error, that life can't be explained. I can try to look for relationships between different aspects of my life, but I can't let that search inhibit actually living. I can't get hung up on things; things happen, and things will continue to happen. 

I have this idea that if I do some certain things that my life will run well, will function smoothly. Eating three meals a day, showering every day, going to every class, going to church every week, etc. I think that if I miss one of any of those, if I don't go to church one week, if I miss a meal, that it says something about me. It says that I don't "have my shit together," that I don't really know what to do, that I'm going to fail. I know, objectively, that those aren't true. I can miss church. It isn't the end of the world. But when it happens, I really think that I am a fuckup. 

I don't want that. I want to understand that life will keep happening even if I don't live perfectly. I guess that is what I am working on. I can know that, but a deeper understanding is hard to come by. I don't know how to understand that, how to change how I react to my life. It sucks.

Procrastination

Finals week. It sucks. We all know that.

I have three finals this coming week and so I thought that I should write a new blog post instead of, you know, studying.

Anyhow, I hope college is going good for anyone of my college-aged friends reading this. For those who aren't yet in college, enjoy it. For those out of college, I hope your student loan debt isn't too much.

I'm doing well here. I have yet to be arrested and I haven't died or lost any major limbs or appendages so by that metric I am doing pretty well. I am taking Physics and Calculus and Chemistry because I don't like doing fun things and Spanish because I am good at it. Just kidding, actually: I'm not that good at Spanish.

You know how sometimes you are in a group of friends (need to get me some of those) and you start off with a story and about halfway through you realize that you are just talking and talking and no one is listening but if you stop talking it will seem weird but the story isn't interesting in the least but damnit you made a commitment to that story so you plod along, word after word after word and you are saying things that kind of make sense while at the same time you are frantically searching in your head for the "good" part of the story but then you realize that the story is actually pretty bad but DAMNIT you keep going and there isn't any discernible sentence structure and it is just one MASSIVE run-on sentence? Yeah, me too. Hate that.

Anyway, I hope you all are doing well.

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Inherit the Wind

Inherit the Wind opened tonight!

If you want to know more about the play itself you can read about here.

To be frank, I did not go into the auditorium with high expectations, with it being opening night and all. I could have not been further from the truth. The cast absolutely killed the performance! I can honestly say that I was on the edge of my seat for the entire second half of the play. All the actors and actresses performed superbly and shoutout to Vinay Basti for a great performance!!! They are playing again tomorrow and Saturday, so if you are like me and have Friday and Saturday evenings free I strongly advise you to go watch the play.

June 18, 2013

Today I woke up at my mom's house. I then went to my dad's. At my dad's I had - you guessed it - waffles for breakfast. We then went to the Brookfield Zoo. It was really fun and I saw some animals. For lunch I had chicken. After going to the zoo we went to the Naperville pet adoption place and filled out paperwork to get kitties. We are going to get two of them. We came home after that and learned a new board game. I went to my mom's at around 5:15 and for dinner had pulled pork sandwiches. I then watched the US - Honduras soccer game and then the Spurs - Heat game.

June 17, 2013 - Woo Hoo

Today I woke up at my dad's house.

I didn't have that good of a sleep overnight. I have to get up to go to the bathroom just about every night and it isn't fun at all. #4real tho

I had waffles for breakfast. Mm-mmm good. Eggo brand waffles are the best! Boy, do I love Eggo waffles. Buy Eggo waffles. After breakfast I read more AP US.

After reading I went to the dentist, because who doesn't love a good time at the dentist? I had to get a filling refilled. Haha, isn't that ironic?! A filling needing to be filled!!!!! Well, at thu dendis I hada get nobacane an it mabe my libs all num. It hurt and I almost cried :( but at least I have my sexy smile back ha ha ha.

After the dentist I went to the Asian mall near the intersection of Ogden and 83rd. The people were really nice and I got some diverse candies there.

For lunch I had Pizza Bites because I am trying to eat healthy. I then hung out with my family and read more AP US.

I went to my moms at about 5:15 or so and had Ramen Noodles, the meal of champions. My sisters are watching Tangled right now and I would uhhhh tangle the princess's rapunzel if you know what I mean.

Hoo ray for Disney movies.

June 16, 2013

Today I woke up at my dad's house. For breakfast I had waffles. I read AP US in my dad's office during the morning. My dad, sisters, and I went to the Morton Arboretum for Father's Day. The Arboretum had a Father's Day barbecue and I had ribs for lunch. We had fun there. We drove home and for dinner made smoothies. After dinner my dad opened his gifts from us. He got cologne and a colander. We watched Arrested Development as a family and then watched Titan AE. Now I am writing this before bed.